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So I’m sitting here thinking about a conversation I had with a patient earlier today. We always have conversations about relationships. He’s a big flirt, but the nicest guy you’ll ever meet. So he asks me about my love life. At his last appointment I had just been ghosted by Josh. So I’m telling him the latest scoop, what’s new. I tell him I don’t like talking about my feelings, I’m unemotional and I’m pretty much an asshole. Then all of a sudden he asks if I wanted to get married someday. That’s a really loaded question, but it shouldn’t be, right? How many women do you know say “nope, I want to be alone forever.” Not too many, if any at all. In most cases women want to get married, and probably have kids. I think that I’m in the exception club.
I know, that sounds stupid. First off, it’s not a real club. And secondly, why would I think that. Well I’m glad you asked. I refuse to be in a sub-par relationship. I’m perfectly happy being single. In fact, I love being single. I get to do what I want, with whom I want, when I want. I don’t have to worry about hurting someone’s feelings or having to answer to someone. But on the flip side, I love the connection of a relationship. I love knowing that I have someone who cares about me and they aren’t just looking to get in my pants.
In 1996, Cher did an iconic interview in which she says “a man is not a necessity, a man is a luxury. Like a dessert” Cher gets me. I watched the interview and was nodding and yelling preach alone in my apartment. She ended the interview saying "I adore dessert. I love men. I think men are the coolest, but you don't really need them to live. My mum said to me, 'You know, sweetheart, you should settle down and marry a rich man,'" the woman with a net worth of $305 million recalled. "I said, 'Mum, I am a rich man.” Mic Drop.
Growing up I always thought I needed a man. I would cry watching the music video Gone by Nsync. I always thought no one will ever love me like Justin loved Britney. Sad, right? If I’m being completely honest, I thought I needed a man up until I was 22. Then I was just desperate to get a man, any man. Regardless of who they were and how they treated me. I just needed a man to stick around. When Brandon and I broke up last January, I had this epiphany….I don’t need a man to complete me!!! Damn…what a feeling. I don’t need someone to take care of me. Hell, anything a man can do for me I can do my damn self and probably better.
I love men, I love their smell, their touch, their voice. But men are like chocolate cake. They look delicious. They smell wonderful. The taste heavenly. But too much of a good thing will make you fat. If I see my man too much, I get annoyed. My love language is physical touch and words of affirmation. I love constant communication but I don’t need quality time. I don’t need to spend an entire week with a guy. Just like I can’t eat an entire cake in one sitting.
I want to be head over heels in love. I want to be with someone who wants to talk to me as much as I want to talk to them. I want to be obsessed with the person (not in a stalkery way, duh). I could have that type of relationship with one person for 70 years or I could have it with 10 men over 70 years. But I don’t need it.
I choose to be in a magical relationship or not at all. I was married to someone I wasn't "obsessed" with, I know what a sub-par relationship looks like. And let me tell you, that shit is for the birds.
Xoxo
Allison