Today marks Secrets of the Single Girl’s 2-year anniversary. I’m sure half of you didn’t even realize SSG was still around since it’s been so long since I’ve written.
When I started this blog, it was simply because I had so many feelings, but I was too scared to talk about them. I was devastated from a breakup (original, I know) and I just couldn’t figure out where I fit in. I was strong and independent, yet self-conscious with a hot temper. Talking about my feelings was completely off limits. I was afraid of being judged, being wrong or worse…admit to myself that I wasn’t as strong as I *hoped* I appeared to be. Ugh.
So I started writing.... about daddy issues, online dating and whatever else I wanted to talk about. My goal was to put out 1 blog a week. And I did! And I loved it! I loved getting feedback, and questions and just being able to connect with a part of myself I had always been scared of.
And then I dated a guy and did the relationship thing a bit. And it didn’t work out. And I dated some more and so on and so forth. But while I was trying to put effort into the different relationships, my writing took a hit. I cared more about making it work with the guys then my blog...my baby, what I had worked so hard for! And deep down, I cared more about making it work with the guy and proving to the 18 year old Allison that I was "enough."
The pressure of being ridiculously funny or extremely vulnerable, by Wednesday at 10am was tough! And trying not to write about the guys I dated was even harder. So I stopped writing about how I felt and wrote about what I thought people wanted to read.
But by trying to please everyone else, I lost myself. I lost myself in my writing. I lost myself in my relationship and I lost myself as a high value woman. I dated someone who was emotionally and verbally abusive. And stayed because of “love” or because he was going through a hard time or whatever excuse I could think of.
If you are miserable with someone for longer than you are happy, there is a big problem with that. I kept thinking if I saw myself now, back in 2017, I would slap the shit out of me and say “get it together!!!”
So I’m back. I can’t promise I’ll write a blog once a week. I can’t promise I’ll be ridiculously funny or extremely vulnerable every week. I can’t even promise this blog will stick to just dating and relationships now! But I can promise I’ll be honest, with you and with myself.
Cheers to us. We've come along way.