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Don't Mistake Salt for Sugar

One thing I’ve always struggled with is believing words as oppose to actions. Especially when it came to dating. Women have this tendency to believe most of what men say. But in reality, how easy is it to tell a white lie? We lie all the time. If I have a date planned, I tell the guy I don’t get off work till 6pm so he doesn’t know it takes me 2 hours to get ready. Or I tell my boss that I have a stomach bug, when in reality I went to The Peninsula last night and drank 4 too many tequila drinks.

Men lie because it’s easy. They lie because it’s convenient. They lie because they don’t have to face the consequences.

I have a friend who liked this guy….she reaaaaallllly liked him. They would text every day, he’d say how much he liked her, and couldn’t wait to see her. But you know what the problem was? He never made plans to see her. And if they did happen to make plans, he would cancel them. He always had an excuse not to hang out. His car wasn’t working, his grandma (in another country) was sick. She put too much faith in the words he said and not his actions.

I was dating Josh and he said all these amazing things about meeting his parents, moving in together and taking a trip across the country. He would even say simple things like let’s go to Catalina for the night. I put so much hope and trust in what he was saying. But actions speak louder than words. I wish I could scream this to every woman on the planet.

I have another friend who gets so excited that the guy she’s hooking up with texts her before 9pm on a Saturday. HELLO. He has made it crystal clear that he wants nothing more than the occasional sexcapade. Yet, she takes his “what are you doing tonight” text at 5pm as he wants to date her.

Men will say what women want to hear, because in most cases it’s beneficial to them or they don’t have to see the consequences. There was an entire book AND movie made solely for women to understand this concept. Just because a man says he had a nice time on the first date, it does NOT mean they like you. Yes, it’s a tough pill to swallow. It took me 10 years to understand that just because I had an amazing night, doesn’t mean the man did. In fact he could have thought it was the worst date in the history of dates.

How easy is it for a guy to say “I really like you” or “I had such a great time with you” and then he disappears. Really fucking easy, right? Ladies….here me when I say this. IF A MAN WANTS TO SEE YOU, HE WILL. I am the queen of making excuses for my man. “Oh, he’s just been busy the past month” or my favorite “He’s just scared of getting into a relationship with me”. It’s all bullshit. And deep down you know it. But we’re scared of rejection. We’re scared of not being good enough. We’re scared of not finding the one.

What if, as strong confident women, we do what’s best for us? We stop worrying about what we don’t have, and we start being grateful for the wonderful things we do have. You’re alive, you have a roof over your head, you have a job. Regardless of how small, be grateful. Once that positive energy starts flowing, I promise things will change.



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