I did a nice little poll on Instagram last week about texting vs phone calls. Now you would think in 2018 most people would say texting is preferred with someone they like, right? Most people said phone calls! Color me surprised.
I guess I never really think about how the phone plays such an integral part of the dating world. Not even taking into account dating apps, DM’s and whatsapp.
An internet friend of mine tweeted about phone calls and texting, which is what sparked this whole inner monologue. What if you couldn’t text the person you liked for the first 3 months of your relationship or even just the talking/hanging out part? Would you relationship go up in flames, or would you be so emotionally connected that you couldn’t help but fall in love?
Texting is an interesting thing. Not only do you have to look 100000000% sane, but if you aren’t a good texter it shows the other person you may not be interested. *Gasp*
When I give my number out on an online dating app, usually 1 to 3 things happen. Either I NEVER get a text message (I assume the guy has died or moved to Timbuctoo,) we text for 20-30 minutes and then he disappears OR he follows me on social media and we never text again. Occasionally, a date will come out of it…but it’s rare.
I will say that every single guy that has called me to ask me on a date (regardless of the texting beforehand) has been way more interested in a relationship. And guys who ask for a date within the first 2-3 conversations are much less likely to ghost (they do tend to be breadcrumbers if they’re not interested.)
I think it’s safe to say that we all love getting text messages, though. Even someone who hates texting loves hearing the *ding* or feeling the vibration from their phone. And that feeling magnifies 10 times over if we like someone. We can't wait for that text message to come through from the special someone. I don't care if you're a guy or a girl, you love it. I know I do.
But there is a science to texting, and even calling. Too many becomes psycho crazy....to little shows the other person you're not interested. So how did you let the other person know you're interested without scaring them off?
Too few texts
Now I don't know about you, but if someone isn't texting me back in a timely manner I lose interest. You could be Chris Evans or Leo Dicaprio, but if you're only texting me every other day with a "hey" or "sup" I'm not going to bother. Because if you can't even send a text when we're "talking" then how are you going to be like in a relationship? I love texting. I love everything about it. I love the good morning and good night texts. I love the mid-day thinking of you....I eat it up.
But on that note, there is such a thing as
Too much texting
Guys and girls, listen closely. There is nothing less attractive than someone who texts you a bagillion times. If we are texting and I'm responding quickly, then by all means send 2 or 3 texts back to back about the topic. I will probably be more eager to talk to you if you can hold a conversation. But if we're talking and I don't respond for say 5 or 10 minutes....don't send another text. Let me say it again. DONT SEND ANOTHER TEXT. Now I'm sure everyone is thinking “Oh I definitely don't do that. Only losers do that”....well the most unsuspecting people do it. Guys, girls....errrrrbody.
One example I was talking to a nice guy in his late 30's, seemed sweet, not stalkerish. I put on a movie so I wasn't paying attention to my phone. I look at my phone 15ish minutes later and I have 5 text messages...and that was 4 text messages too many. He's telling me we used to be neighbors, then telling me I seemed sweet and he likes talking to me. Then tells me he doesn't normally drink but his friend dragged him out. And then sends me a photo of his food. Now these are all good messages. Nothing is wrong with them individually (except for the food pic, that’ weird.) But back to back text messages with no response is nuts. ESPECIALLY when you are out with your friends. And if I say goodnight do not send 4 additional texts because you forgot something.
You probably think I'm being too hard on the guys, but we ALL know girls do this shit too. I've definitely done it in my past. Girls do it to keep the convo going. Because *most* guys are not great texters. But you can tell a lot by how someone texts you. If they text you every day before a first date, they're probably really into you. If someone doesn’t text you within a week after a first date...they didn't like you! No excuses.
And lastly…if you send a text and the person doesn’t respond you should delete their number. If someone doesn’t respond to a text they’re not into you. The more texts sent without replies, the more psycho you look.
I’m almost 30 and I’ve come to the realization that I’m needy on the phone front. I love the good morning texts, the thinking of you texts, etc. But there is nothing better than a nice phone call at the end of a day.
Let’s take it back to 1992 when you had to call someone on the land line and ask their parents if he/she was home. If a guy I liked called me *swoon.*