I had a date last week. My first date of 2018 and my first date in a little over 2 months. But I could feel myself getting sick. I wasn’t full blown sick, yet, so I went on my date. I did a snap chat/ IG story about going on my date sick. Now first off, I know I shouldn’t have gone if I wasn’t feeling well. But I had already cancelled the week prior due to work. If I cancelled again, he’d think I was blowing him off.
When I got home I finally checked my phone. I had a ton of messages from guys and girls asking how the date went. I was surprised that the expectation wasn’t that the date went great.
I think people in 2018 aren’t excited about dating. We aren’t picky with who we go out with…or maybe we’re too picky. We don’t feel out the chemistry prior to the date with a phone call or consistent text conversation. And when it doesn’t go the way we expect or hope, we consider it a bad date.
I’ve never had a bad first date. I’ve gone out with people I wasn’t super attracted to, or who I didn’t have chemistry with. But I don’t call it a bad date.
I think because we’re not excited about dating, that we kind of get on auto pilot. Guy texts girl to confirm, she needs to reschedule, finally picks day. He’s already grouchy because the day actually wasn’t great for him, and she’s can tell she’s not going to like him. That’s 75% of the conversations I have with both guys and girls.
But imagine you guys talk on the phone before your planned date. He makes her laugh, and she makes him blush. It’s exciting right? Then maybe she won’t reschedule because she’s excited to actually meet this guy. And he’s not grouchy because he’s excited to meet her.
When I first matched with Jesse last year we had great conversation. We had a planned a date and he said he wanted to talk on the phone before we met. I despise talking on the phone, but because I was excited to meet him I sucked it up and we talked. I laughed for the entire 10 minute conversation. He was hilarious and charming. Exactly what a girl is looking for in a short and sweet phone convo. So I was excited to meet him. I didn’t cancel, and we met 2 or 3 days later.
If you’re not excited to do something, then you don’t give 100%. You know it, I know it, we all know it. Even at work, if you’re in a shit mood, you’re probably looking for meme’s or on Facebook. When I’m excited about something, I wash my hair, I wing my eyeliner a little better, and I wear my cute high heels. I put in as much effort as I can.
And if you’re not excited about date, why bother going? Which this definitely falls more on women. And guys, not every girl is looking for a free meal. I have a shit ton of opinions and thoughts on this, that I’ll save for a later date. But if I just worked 8 hours, went to the gym for an hour, and it takes me 2 mother fucking hours to get ready, I’m not going just for food. I can buy my own damn dinner.
I digress. If you’re not super stoked to meet this girl after a couple texts, then don’t go! This would eliminate a lot of the ghosting I hear about. We ghost, because we’re not into the other person. If you talked on the phone, or even had a *real* text conversation prior, you may realize that you’re not as interested as you thought.
I love Matthew Hussey. He’s a dating expert who works primarily with women. I don’t agree with everything he says. Actually I probably agree with half. But he posted something recently explaining why we need to be picky with who we spend time with.
I agree whole heartedly. I know immediately after swiping if I’m going to want to go out with a guy. And after a few conversations, I will know if I’m going to go out with him or not. I don’t go out with ANYONE I’m not excited to meet or go out with.
I don’t go out with anyone I’m not thrilled to meet. So I have an experiment for you....only go out with people you are excited about. Only say yes to guys you wouldn’t ever want to cancel on. And guys, only ask girls out who gets your heart beating a little faster. Remember, it’s now how many dated you have. It’s the quality of the people you’re meeting.
Xoxo
Allison