The Longer You Wait, the Bigger the....

Insecurity! Get your mind out of the gutter.

I'm bout to get a bit feisty. Ya know what is so fucking unattractive? Being passive aggressive. Regardless if you are a man or woman. Single or in a relationship, it’s an ugly trait to have. And you, in fact, make people dislike you. It just shows how insecure you are and we all know how unattractive that it.

In dating, I notice guys are way more passive aggressive. But I’m also not texting girls to go out, so I only see one side. But if I don’t send an immediate response I get a “hello?” or a “great convo, thanks.” Did you know girls aren’t sitting around, waiting for a response from a stranger on Bumble or Hinge? Mind blowing, right? If a girl isn’t responding, she’s busy! You’re “?!” text is not appreciated, and you'll probably never speak to this girl again.

Here’s another example, which is less passive: I had scheduled a date with someone I met on Hinge for Tuesday (yesterday). I was home on a Thursday night so obviously I was bored and swiping. During the convo we never exchanged numbers or anything. The next day I had a party and Sunday I had a holiday party, and we get turnt up. Apparently this guy had messaged me 5 times from Thursday to Monday and I never saw them. Or maybe I subconsciously ignored them. Whatevs, my b.

So today, I get a nasty passive aggressive message saying how this guy didn’t get to go out with his friends because we had plans, how I should learn to date and how it’s so disrespectful to stand someone up. Yes, I KNOW. Ya’ll know I don’t ghost people. It’s rude, I don’t like it. But I did in fact ghost this person. I felt bad. I responded and accepted the blame.

Here’s the problem people, being passive aggressive doesn’t help anyone. Yes, you’re getting your thought across but has it helped your situation? No. You look petty. And what was it all for?

Now, I should have checked the app. I know, I was in the wrong. But I don’t need you to rub it my face. And I especially don’t need you to teach me how to online date *eye roll*.

So I’ve thought about some online, first date texting “rules”

If you message someone on Saturday, and you don’t get a response…whatever, the other person is busy. We all have lives. All good.

If you message them on Sunday, and you don’t get a response, that could be a red flag. And you may want to start putting out feelers for something else to do.

If you message them on Monday asking for confirmation AND their phone number, and you don’t even get a “hey” back then you are DEFINITELY not going to see the other person. Stop trying. I’ll say it again…Stop. Fucking. Trying.

Now I talk about being a high value woman all the time. I live my life knowing my worth. But I don’t talk about men being high value. This is one of those times where you need to be a confident man and move on! You deserve better!

A high value man doesn’t send 5 text messages in 5 days to meet a STRANGER. Ya know what he does? Well he should have asked for her phone number and then asked her on the date (but I digress.) A HV man sends one message to confirm the date and if he doesn’t get a response, then that’s it. Depending on when the date is, maybe he’ll send a “hey” message in the days before the date. But it’s still 1 – 2 texts prior to the date. It’s not 5 freakin messages.

And high value man doesn’t wait around. Just like a high value woman doesn’t. A man should value his own time just like a woman does hers. Our life goal isn’t to meet a man to settle with, so why is yours?

You’ve spent all this energy to meet a complete stranger who doesn’t value your time. And if you keep texting with no response, it makes you look a l̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ lot desperate. Unless you’re meeting Rihanna on Bumble, move on.

You deserve someone who is going to be excited to text you back. Someone who is excited to go on a date with you. And you especially someone who will respond to your initial text message.

Being passive does nothing for you. Sure, it might let off a bit of steam. But why were your waiting with baited breath to meet a stranger from a dating site. If she doesn’t respond in a timely manner, go out with your guy friends. Go compliment a girls dress, grab a drink and strike up a convo.

Happy hunting.

Xoxo

Allison