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Space Invaders...No Touchy!


Alright fellas, I have a bone to pick with you.

I'm gonna let you in on a little not so secret, secret. Us women, ladies, girls...whatever noun you want to use....HATE being called condescending pet names. Now baby, babe, honey are all acceptable. But I'll be damned if a man calls me cutie, sweetie, princess or any other bullshit name. Don't even get me started on Bae.

Are we puppies? Have we just learned to shake? Are we babies who just smiled for the first time? Or learned to stand up? Fuck no we're not. Are we helpless girls just waiting for a big strong man to come and save us from the big bad world? Nope!

I had a date with a relationship coach last week. We had been chatting for probably a week and a half. He was 6'5, very handsome and *shocker* had a job. We met on Bumble and I immediately buzzed his way. So this guy knows his way around a woman. Knows what to say, when to say it and how. Until the dreaded text where he said "Buongiorno Princepessa! Hope you had a great night and made so many cakes. Are we still on for tonight?"

Now, if you've read my blog(s) first impressions are a big deal for me. This includes a confirmation text in the morning. So when I got a text from him at 7:22am, I was thrilled. Finally a guy who knows what’s up. But him calling me a Princess really rubbed me the wrong way.

All these cutesy pet names just sound dumb to me. Maybe it's just me...but I am not a fan. I call shirts at Forever 21 cute. I'm not a damsel in distress. If you're going to call me royalty, queen will suffice ;)

And then there is the inappropriate touching, oh baby jesus, the touching. Now if we are on a date and I show you signs that I like you, by all means put your arm around me or hold me hand. If we are STRANGERS do not touch me, or any woman for that matter.

I was at a bar in Venice a couple weekends ago. I was brunching with my girls having a wonderful time, enjoying the beautiful weather. I’m standing there minding my own business when I see a guy see me. Side note: I have tattoos, most are pretty hidden. Back to the story. This guy approaches the group and I think he's going to say something...NOPE. This douchebag literally reaches over my friend and touches my sternum tattoo. He went straight for the boobs and didn't think twice about it.

It even happened at a bar surrounded by my friends. This stranger comes up and tries to touch the tattoo on my collarbone. I matrixed the shit out of him before my friends boyfriend could swat him away (thanks again B.)

My tattoos are not fucking braille. You will not be able to read them with your fingers. I don’t know when personal space became an option to people. Guys, women make it very clear if we're interested in you. We'll bump into your arm, or touch your waist when you’re talking to us. These are signs that we like you and we want you to touch us.

The funniest part about situations like these is how mad the guy gets. They just can’t fathom that I didn’t want to drop my pants for them. And then the insults start…I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve been called a bitch, a slut (but how) or a C- U – Next – Tuesday. All because I wouldn’t let someone touch me.

I know this may come as a surprise for most guys, but if you if we don’t give you the signals that we want to be touched, you probably shouldn’t do it. Your fingers, hands or any other appendage is not a magic wand. You will not make us fall in lust with you. You will not turn us on. And we most definitely will not see you again.

Now obviously not every guy is a psycho path who likes to touch random women. But if you are, STOP. Kthanksbye

Xoxo

Allison


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