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Case of the Ex

Yesterday would have been my 7 year wedding anniversary. So fucking bizarre to think that I was ever married, let alone that it was 7 years ago. It feels like an entire lifetime ago, hell I was 22! I talk about my divorce very nonchalantly. It was never a big deal to me. I think the reactions I get, though, are hilarious.

I met Will through Facebook through mutual friends (thanks a lot assholes.) We texted for 3 weeks before ever meeting. Our first week of actually “dating” he told me he wanted to see every night before I went to sleep. So he would drive 45 minutes to my apartment to hangout for an hour. I thought he was crazy but I loved every second of it. Now looking back, I think he was actually just crazy.

Will and I dated for 6 months, were engaged for 6 months and married for 6 months. That should have been my first warning…6 – 6 – 6. There were SOOOO many warning signs, but I was “in love.” So I got past the fact that he had already been married once and had a daughter. I was a step-mom and honestly I couldn’t stand her (I know, not something I’m supposed to say.) Shit was bananas. I bought our house in April of 2010 and spent 3 months renovating it from top to bottom before moving in.

This is one of my only wedding pictures, haha.

I caught Will cheating on Twitter. There were 25 pages of him telling other women the things he wanted to do them. I was shocked, but honestly I wasn’t even upset. I figured he’d be getting herpes from one of the sluts anyways. I was actually pretty relived that I wouldn’t have to pay this scrub’s bills anymore. He was devastated, obviously. He had lost his sugar momma and had to move back in with his parents. He tried getting me back for about 2 years. I knew that I would him back if he had said the right things. I needed a man so badly. So to keep myself from getting back with him, I posted his Twitter link on Facebook. Everyone knew what he did.

It’s so common for people to get back with their exes, both men and women, because we miss the companionship. Your ex knows how you take your coffee and your favorite ice cream. But how often does it actually work out? Not saying it never does...but chances are much slimmer. There are a million websites with advice on how to get your ex back with no contact or manifestation or whatever bullshit Google has.

I had a friend when I first moved to LA, we’ll call her Vanessa. She had been with this guy for a year or so. He was very charming, had money and was attractive. He also cheated on her regularly. A few of her friends, including myself, saw him on Bumble on more than one occasion. When we brought it to her attention, she got defensive! They would break up for a week or 2, and then get back together. *Insert eye roll*

Another friend of mine was broken up with via email. She knew I studied relationships so came to my apartment looking for advice. They got back together shortly after, because she missed him and he thought she changed. Not even a month later she was crying to me over the phone that they had broken up again. They’re on breakup number 4 right now.

The main reasons we want to get back with our ex is because we feel like not only are they rejecting our relationship, but that they are rejecting us. We also get back with our ex because we’re scared we won’t find anyone better. Is that how you want to go through life? I was with a raging alcoholic because I thought I couldn’t do better…but in reality ANYONE was better.

We stalk them on social media to make sure they’re not dating anyone new. Or worse, that they’re happier without us! We delete their phone numbers so we can’t drunk text them our “I feel” words. And we cry to our friends simply to hear “you’re better off without them.” We’ve all done it.

The most clutch ex-boyfriend song

If things don’t work out the first, second or third time…what makes us think that this person is someone we should be spending years with? Let alone thinking they could be marriage material. It’s so easy for us to miss someone when we’re lonely. It’s so easy for us to miss someone when we’re horny. But do you still miss the person when you’re out having fun with your friends? I always miss my exes when I’m sitting home alone on the couch. But if I’m raging on a Friday night, the last thing I’m thinking about is an ex.

Do you really want to get back with your ex? Or do you miss companionship and regular sex. I know so many people who get back with their exes and it doesn’t work out. Not saying it doesn’t, or can’t. But think about all the things you might be missing out on. If I would have gotten back with my ex-husband do you think I would be living in LA? HELL NO. I’d probably be a poor, miserable 29 year old with 4 kids and an alcohol problem.



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