They say money is the root of all evil. If that’s the case, then I think expectations are the root of most relationship problems. And not just romantic relationships! It'll ruin friendships, work relationships, etc. Having expectations in any type of relationship can, and most likely will, cause them to fail.
The thing about expectations that most people don’t understand is that the reason you expect things from other people is because that is what you would do in that situation. Confusing? It is. But think about it…you expect an apology, or you expect a thank you from someone? It’s because you would apologize or because you would say thank you. We all expect the other person to do what we would do.
The problem with expecting something is that when we don’t get it, it makes us angry. It eats away at our emotions. But in reality can we be mad at the other person? No. They didn’t actually do anything wrong. They’re just living their life, not realizing you have pent up aggression towards them.
Over the past 3 ½ years at my job I’ve become the IT person in my office. I’ve always been pretty good with computers so I was happy to take on the role. One of our computers broke 2 weeks ago, which is really big deal because we’re a paperless office. So I’ve been trying to get that computer up and running, purchasing a new computer, then having to purchase a new monitor. The new monitor came and it was faulty. So after 10-12 hours working on this work station and then 2 hours on hold with tech support I finally resolved the issue with the company. After all that work I expected a “thank you” from my boss but it never came.
I spent the rest of the day bitching and complaining that I worked my ass off for nothing. But at the end of the day, was it nothing? No…my coworkers saw how hard I was working and appreciated it. Just because my boss didn’t say anything to me, doesn’t mean she didn’t recognize my hard work. I was so upset about it that my co-worker gave me a bottle wine to make me feel better. I got home that evening and was eating pizza (duh) and started to think about why I was so upset. I was upset because I expected something I knew wouldn’t come. My boss’ “love language” has never been words of affirmation, but that is 100% mine. So because she wasn’t appreciating me the way I expected, I got upset.
So now you’re probably thinking “who cares about your job, this is a dating blog” and you’re right. But how many times have you gotten upset with someone you like, someone you’re dating or even your partner because you expected something from them. When you’re sick you expect them to bring you soup. For your birthday you expect some extravagant gift or outing. Hell, something as simple as taking out the trash or changing the toilet paper roll. And when you don’t get it, you’re upset. And you let that moment ruin your day.
Last week I mentioned having a cyst removed in my nose. Not a big deal, but I was hurting for the better part of 5 days and I got sick on top of it. I expected text messages that never came, and I was deeply upset. But you know what? It was my own damn fault. I expected a text messages and phone calls for no reason. I would expect flowers on my birthday from a guy I had been out with twice. Or I’d expect someone to bring me pizza after a shitty day at work. I would even expect guys to get out of their cars when picking me up for a date, and be mad when they didn’t.
You can’t expect other people to know what you want. If you want your boyfriend to take out the trash, expecting him to do it isn’t going to make him get off the couch. If you want a guy to get out of the car when he picks you up, you can’t just stand outside waiting. You’re probably thinking a good guy/girl should just know. But they don’t!! Obviously if people knew what their partners wanted the divorce rate would be much lower. Use those damn “I feel” words and let your man/lady friend know what’s up. JUST TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT.
I’m probably just preaching to myself because I definitely need a reality check :)
Won’t be writing next week because my parents are coming from Alabama for 10 full days! Till next time.