I’m pretty sure 95% of women have seen the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.” If you haven’t then I think it’s worth a watch…even just for background noise. The movie basically follows a group of people and the different relationships they have with each other. It’s a pretty basic romantic comedy set up.
The reason I bring this movie up is not because of the movie itself, but for the dialogue during the opening credits. The dialogue basically questions why women can’t tell their friends the truth about a dating situation. Or why we give such terrible advice to each other.
Now I was the queen of terrible advice, but at the time I thought I was a genius. I would tell my friends not what they needed to hear, but what they wanted to hear. I think most women are like this. We tell our friends to call the guy, ask him on a date, make the reservation….because we’re independent women! But in reality, if they guy actually liked us, wouldn’t they be making the plans?
I was at the pool with my best friend, Emma, on Sunday. She’s my person, we talk about everything. No matter how much or little we see each other, we have constant conversations. But Sunday was different. I was so enthralled in another group of friend’s conversation which was about dating! My favorite topic in the entire world. So obviously I was completely silent while eavesdropping on their convo.
Basically…this girl was into this guy. He told her they should hang out sometime that weekend but didn’t make any definitive plans. So now the girl is telling her friend all about the situation. Girl 1 was basically saying she doesn’t know what to do, why he isn’t making plans, etc. And her friend bluntly says…”girl, you are going to have to take charge” and then proceeds to tell her exactly what to say. So they come up with a quick sentence to ask if 6pm works. It took 12 minutes and 7 drafts but the text read “how’s 6 tonight?”
So I’m assuming he agreed to “hang out” and at 6pm. And now the conversation goes into finding somewhere sexy to go for dinner. This part took entirely too long. Drinks wasn’t quite enough and casual dinner wasn’t romantic enough. They needed somewhere indoors, and sexy. Somewhere very sexy for this awkward date to begin. At this point I’m wondering what part of the conversation lead to a sexy dinner. Being an outsider I felt like I was more invested in their non-existent relationship than this mystery man was. As far as I know they went on a date, and had an average evening. He may have even gotten her to sleep with him and then Monday rolls around and he never calls or texts again.
So I have 2 issues with this scenario. The first being the friends are encouraging such bad dating behavior. And the second being that the woman is having to do 100% of the pursuing. I so badly wanted to go up to this woman and say “he’s just not that into you” or “what part of your conversation makes you believe he wants to go on a date with you?” But I, against my better judgement, held my tongue.
Women tell their friends what they want to hear so they don’t look like an asshole. In this situation if the friend would have said he doesn’t like you or drop him like a bad habit, the girl would have been upset with the friend. But why? Because she is the messenger and the bearer of bad news. She is automatically the bad guy.
Now men will probably not like this part, but I’m going to say it anyways :) The second issue I have, which was really more of a what the fuck moment, is that she was making 100% of the plans. I feel as though it was pretty fucking obvious he wasn’t that interested in pursuing something romantic with her. Why do I think that? He is making absolutely zero effort. He wasn’t even responding to her texts quickly!
A high value woman knows that a man loves the chase…they’re built for it. As soon as the woman starts being the dominant/masculine personality in the relationship the man will lose interest. This is where the coming on too strong, from last week’s blog, comes into play. Now obviously I don’t think a man needs to pursue 100% of the time, but when 2 people are getting to know each other or starting the dating phase I think it’s imperative.
So girls, stop giving shitty advice to your friends :)
More on this next time.