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Sugar and Spice, but not Always Nice


I'm mad as a hornet. My man friend and I broke up last Thursday and somehow re-broke up last night. Because 1 time just wasn’t enough. Now I'm not so much mad about the break up, but the reason. It turns out I seem "very cold, and whatever when it comes to men and relationships." And you know where this information comes from? Him reading my last blog. I’m going to call him Jesse.

This blog is just one piece of me. Now, it’s very large piece, but still it’s just portion of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. It’s comical, when I first started the blog he thought I was a very talented writer and would introduce me as such. But once his insecurities kicked in, it became cold and blazeh.

People criticize in others what they dislike in themselves. The also criticize what they are envious of. Somehow all of our relationship issues were my fault. The person I am in this blog is exactly who I am in real life. I tell guys on the first date that I don’t need a relationship, but of course I want one. When I told this particular guy how I felt, he thought it was wonderful. Obviously that feeling faded.

So last night, in the 10 minutes I was upset about another failed “relationship”, I decided to text the man I dated right before this guy. We’ll call him Brad. Brad is everything you could want in a man. Very masculine, tall, handsome, but sensitive and caring. He and I ended on good terms. I wanted a relationship and he couldn’t give me that entirely, which he admitted to. We broke things off right around the time I met Jesse. So I asked him if he thought I was cold and “whatever about relationships” His response was the kindest thing anyone has ever said to me:

Ladies, find a man who calls you a queen!!! Can you imagine being in a relationship with someone who thinks you’re a queen? And who considers themselves lucky to be with you. I can’t even fathom it! When a man is confident in their relationship and not insecure, it brings out a completely new facet of the relationship. Something you want to work on, something that is worth the disagreements.

I dated Brad off and on 5 weeks. Within those 5 weeks he could tell I was a high value woman, wouldn’t take anyone’s bullshit, and that I knew my worth. I dated Jesse for 6 weeks, and instead of learning and growing together, he focused on one paragraph in one blog. I asked him “would you rather I be in a relationship with you because I feel obligated? Or would you rather me be in the relationship because I desire you and I’m crazy about you?” Of course he said the latter, who wouldn’t? This is the difference between want and need.

I really don't know how we got to this point, but I guess I should have seen it coming. We stopped talking, stopped communicating. He was supposed to meet my friends one Saturday night but ended up canceling last minute. That should have been an indicator. I had already met a good chunk of his friends, whom I loved. But he couldn't take one night off to meet mine. That's what actually makes break ups worse. The friends!! Can I call them to hang out, or are the vetoed now?

He was upset because I said I could be in one relationship for 70 years, or 7 relationships for 10 years. To clarify that statement, I simply meant that I won’t put up with anything less than extraordinary. I’m not afraid to be alone, or on my own. I have and will continue to have an amazing life. I want someone who is the extra bonus to my happiness. Sure, I would love to be with one person from age 30 to 90, but I will be just fine if that isn’t the case.

I want the man that continually calls me amazing, a babe and most importantly a queen. I want a man who sends me flowers to work just because. I want a man who tells me the breakfast I cooked was phenomenal, even when it was just eggs. In fact, I want someone who watches me cook the eggs in awe, instead of sitting on the couch on his cell phone. So no, I won’t settle for anything less than that. No woman should.

I’m very passionate about relationships, learning how they work, and what makes people emotionally connect. I was so happy with this guy, and really saw a future. But if you’re values aren’t the same, then the relationship will always fail. I think when a woman can be happy on her own, she brings a breath of fresh air to a relationship. And same goes for a man. I read something recently that said 90% of your happiness comes from within, and you should only depend on your partner for the remaining 10%. ONLY 10%.

Never again will I be made to feel any less than exceptional.

Xoxo

Allison


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