Friendship is a weird thing. You meet someone. You click. And then your friends. You got out to drinks or dinner, go out on a weekend or go workout together and you’ve made an instant bff.
Suddenly you’re texting them about anything and everything that comes to mind. You’re in the bathroom at work texting them that you love to get paid to poop (even though girls don’t poop.)
But no one really talks about when friendship ends. And what’s even more interesting, is that when a friend of ____ years stops calling or texting, we don’t really notice.
So why is that we get our panties in a wad when a random guy ghosts us, but not our friend?
Why don’t we hold our friends to the same standard we hold our dates?
Why is it ok for a friend to ghost, but not a stranger?
I’ve had 3 “friends” ghost me since I’ve lived in LA. Maybe it’s because I’m older, but it really bothered me.
The first girl was someone I met when I first moved here. She was fun and loved to go out. She was my party friend. We never hung out unless we were going to an event or going out drinking. I think I saw her without makeup once. Everything was great until I started meeting other people and having a life of my own. I went to Vegas with Emma after we became bff, and I never heard from the first girl again. She had deleted, unfollowed and unmatched on every social media platform. I, of course, thought it was hilarious.
The 2nd girl was someone I met at Meetup. She only used me for the fun things I was doing or photo-ops. Or sometimes it was just because she had nothing better to do. She ditched me on Halloween for her new blondetourage and I never heard from her again.
The last girl (well actually two) happened last Cinco De Mayo. The girl wanted me to date a guy that she was (obviously) in love with. Even though she had a boyfriend, they would constantly talk and text. I called her out on it and she told me I only dated hot guys. Because I’m obviously supposed to lower my standards and date someone I’m not attracted to. I never talked to her again and lost another friend due to “sides.”
Friends are very hard to find as an adult. You can’t just go up to someone and be like “wow, I really like your Lisa Frank binder” or “you’re butterfly clip is like, so cute.” Now you have to have an adult conversation and get to know someone before you invest time in them…right?
Just like dating…you’re looking for someone who meshes well. Who is in it for the long run. Someone who you can be yourself with, and there is zero judgement.
Friendship is so imperative. Especially as we get older and get married and have babies. I’m jealous of friendships I’ve seen on Facebook and Instagram. I haven’t stayed in touch with most of my childhood friends, which is really sad.
I’ve had to give up a lot of friendships recently because I outgrew them. It’s sad but it’s the part of life. The friend ghosting becomes more real as time goes on. You go 2 days without talking and then it turns into 2 months.
We put so much effort into dating and being in relationships that we lose sight of the people that were there for us before we met the guy. We forget who spent Thanksgiving with us, hungover in onesies. Or who held our hand when a guy broke up with us.
But those are the friendships to be valued. Because when the guy is gone, you'll only have your friends left.
Tell your friends you love them. Keep your inner circle small, with people you trust without a doubt. No more fair-weather friends or the ones who are just in it for the ‘gram. Act like a fool in the middle of a dance floor and see who joins it. Those are the ones in it for the long run.
Xoxo
Allison