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Relationsh*t, The Almost Boyfriend


So we all know about the fuckboy…and we know about boyfriends (obviously.) But what about the “almost boyfriend.” Now don’t get it twisted, the almost boyfriend is an almost fuckboy too. There’s a very fine line between the 2. The almost boyfriend is right smack dab in the middle of a fuckboy and a relationship.

He's not quite sure how serious he wants to be due to other aspects of his life (work, living situation, family) but he wants companionship. He knows you won't be his wife but he will use you the way a fuckboy would. The only difference is he likes you a little bit.

The almost boyfriend texts you regularly and probably takes you on dates but you're not exclusive. And this goes on for awhile. If you’re looking for more than a friends with benefits, this could be a good situation. However, because most women get attached (myself included) it sucks. As soon as you want to take things to the next level, he "doesn't see a future with you."

He says all the right things. He does all the right things, but only when it’s convenient for him. Need help at an inconvenient time? Don’t call him. Did you get in a fight with a friend and need a shoulder to cry on? Don’t even think about asking him. Need someone to grab dinner with? He'll only come if he's not busy with absolutely anything else.

What makes him an almost boyfriend, is that he makes you think you're in a relationship. You really feel like he's your boyfriend. You go to dinners, movies, even have sleepovers. You tell your friends about him, maybe even your mom! You start planning double dates because you think you've found a good one. But he knows the commitment will never come. You're his convenient girlfriend.

I haven’t been on a date in awhile. In fact, my last date was over a month ago. With my parents being here, not having a car for awhile and then my birthday….it was just easier to pump the brakes. But when you’re not able to be face to face, you see who’s interested in really dating as oppose to being an “almost boyfriend.” When you can only interact by social media, texting or phone calls, it’s easier to see someone’s intentions. The physical part of dating doesn’t get in the way.

I would say I’ve dated two almost boyfriends in 2017. The first one was great, we enjoyed each other’s company. We went on 5-6 dates, and always had these really deep conversations. It fizzled when I started seeing someone else due to his flakiness. He came back around a month ago and I thought he wanted to start things up again. He was sending me texts every other day, and funny vids/pictures. Then he told me he thinks about me every day and asked me for drinks. We went, had a great time. And then he flaked on a second date. He told me that he wanted to see someone 4 -5 times a week, spend time with, sleep together (without a condom). All without a commitment.

Another guy I was seeing earlier this year came back around after a not talking for a few months. We went to dinner, had a great time. We would text pretty regularly but he would only ask me to come over to watch a movie (which we all know what that means.) He’d always say he wanted to hang out but would never make plans. We got in a fight and I never heard from him again.

Then there’s this guy…we’ll call Him Travis. We met a few months ago at one of my favorite bars. We ended up talking all night and had a great time. Now we’ve never been on a date. BUT 2 weeks ago he met my parents *gasp.* He asked what I was doing on a Saturday and I said I was brunching with my parents. Low and behold he shows up at the restaurant and meets my parents, my bff and her boyfriend. He spent his entire day with us.

So after that I was obviously a bit more smitten then before. But we still haven’t been on a date. My birthday was this past weekend and I partied alllll weekend. And Travis showed up Saturday and met me and my 5 girlfriends at the lounge/club we were at. He and I got into a fight at the end of the night and I was ready to peace out and never speak to him again. But what changed my mind was his reaction. He called me 8 times, 6 FaceTime calls, and 10 text messages, all apologizing and wanting to talk it out. And then he showed up the next day at my final birthday shin dig…which included 15 of my girlfriends. All of whom knew exactly what happened. They gave him so much shit, and he just took it.

The difference between the three may not be crystal clear, because they all said and did the right thing in the beginning. But it was the reaction when things didn’t go their way. The almost boyfriend runs from confrontation or peaces out when he doesn’t get his way. Instead of hashing things out and saying what’s on their mind, they simply retreat.

Guy number 1 wanted all of the girlfriend benefits without having a commitment. Guy number 2 ghosted me because he didn’t like something I said, or wrote or whatever bullshit reason there was. Guy number 3 has continuously made me feel like I’m important to him. He respects my time and respects things that are important to me. Hell, he even tried to help me with my flat tire on his lunch break.

After years of failed “relationships” I’ve just started realizing that you shouldn’t have to convince a man to be with you. The right man will jump at any chance to spend time with you, let alone be your man. Learning to tell the difference between someone who wants to be yours and someone who wants the convenience of you will be mind-blowing. Think about it, how many guys are you talking to who don’t treat you as well as a boyfriend, but not as shitty as a fuck boy. Probably too many. I definitely don’t let someone treat me less than I deserve, especially the almost boyfriend. The almost boyfriend is looking for convenience not commitment.

Xoxo

Allison


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