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To The Guy I Ghosted

Dear guy I ghosted,

I’ve been thinking about this for way too long. Our situation made me uncomfortable and I didn’t know how to deal. You were everything I could have hoped for, and any woman would be lucky to have you.

I knew my actions would hurt you. I was so very selfish, I know that now. I have been ghosted more times than I care to say. I knew you would wonder what happened, why you weren’t good enough. I hope you know that it wasn’t you. I could never open up to you because of my own insecurities.

I told you about a past relationship where I was ghosted, and how it hurt me to my core. And you sat across the table and listened. You didn’t just listen, you heard me. You told me you’d never do that to me. And instead I did that to you.

I wish I could take it back. I wish I could have hit send on the twelve text messages I wrote and quickly deleted. I wish I could have answered your calls. I wish I would have had the strength to be the woman you wanted.

In that moment I realized why people ghost. It such a hurtful phenomenon but so incredibly common. It’s because we can’t bear to see the pain we’ve caused. Men are afraid to see the repercussion, the outburst, the tears, and the anger. I couldn’t bear to see the disappointment in your eyes.

You had planned dates, even planned vacations. But you could tell I was uncomfortable. You started texting and calling more, which just pushed me away. Maybe I hoped you would break up with me first. That you would say it wasn’t working and you needed space. But those words never came.

You wanted a girlfriend, eventually a wife. But all I could give you was a few great dates. You wanted me to meet all of your friends because they were such a huge part of your life. I wanted you to meet mine so they could confirm I was sabotaging things.

I saw you on social media yesterday and wrote you another letter. But I was too scared. I’m scared of what you’ll say to me. Telling me feelings that I knew and didn’t know you had. I’m also scared that you’ll be indifferent. That you actually don’t care at all. I was a one off in the dating game of Los Angeles.

So I write this letter to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making you feel less than amazing. I’m sorry if you felt you weren’t enough. I’m sorry for not being able to hit send. But most of all, I’m sorry for being a hypocrite. It’s not that you weren’t enough, it’s that I wasn’t ready.


The asshole girl

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