No guy ever wants to be called the nice guy, right? It’s become this horrible attribute associated with dating. You always hear the phrase “nice guys finish last” which I’m starting think has some truth. I never really knew what made a guy NG as oppose to just being nice, until recently.
For me, NG's normally don't even make it to the first date. They're too busy asking to hang out, instead of making an actual date. Or they're texting just to see how I liked a movie. However, in the past year I’ve dated 2 NGs. Both of them were tall, dark and devastatingly handsome. So handsome, in fact, that I still stalk their Instagram regularly and wonder what the fuck happened. After a lot of tequila and analyzing, I realized the issue. They both came on too fucking strong and way too soon.
You’re probably thinking that what girls want, right? They want the guy that texts them constantly, and says the miss them every other day. Maybe some girls do, maybe some girls need that validation. But a strong, high value woman definitely doesn’t. In fact, it’s quite a turn off after just 2-3 dates.
Here’s the thing about the NG….they are putting all their eggs in one basket. They think after 2 great dates (if you make it that far) that you’re in a relationship or at least well on the way. The constant texting and the “I miss you” texts are just for validation. Men say these things because they want affirmation that the girl feels the same way. They need reassurance that the girl isn't going to forget about them.
Now if a girl does this…constantly texting, trying to make plans together for the next 3 weekends, and even saying I miss you, would be considered as “needy”. But you don’t hear a lot of women call a man needy. That’s because we call them nice guys.
And then you have the high value man. He’s confident, he takes charge, but he always leaves us wanting a bit more. He’ll text us every other day to ask us on dates or see when he can see you next, not just to make conversation. If we don't hear from him for a day or two we wonder "why" or "maybe he's seeing someone else"? What does this do? Makes us desire him more because we have to work for his attention! Another reason women are drawn to the fuckboy! Because they are unattainable at that point.
Say you have 2 men who are in a race. Guy 1 is a NG and Guy 2 is HV. The race starts and NG starts sprinting as fast as he can. No looking back, no looking for pot holes. Then you have HV, who hates running but wants the trophy…so he’s jogging at a regular pace. All of a sudden NG starts losing steam, he steps in a pothole and twists his ankle and never makes it to the finish line. HV, on the other hand, has kept an even pace, allowing him to see pot holes or interference's. And thus, wins the race.
It’s just like dating, if you give too much too soon, all the appeal gets shattered. If a man or woman is available all the time, it makes them less desirable. If a man says he misses you after 2 dates, can you really believe him? What does he miss…he doesn’t even know the real you!
One of the NG I dated lives in NYC. We met on a dating site, and after 3 weeks of texting, he decided he would fly into town to take me on a first date. Then the next night we went on a second date. Both we’re great, and we didn’t even sleep together. After the 2nd date I woke up to a poem...it was amazing, but just too much!
He flies back to NYC and says he misses me so much he decided to come visit again 2 weeks later. I was immediately turned off…because he was coming on way too strong. I told him on Sunday it was too much and he was shocked. But why? I definitely show the same attention or affection. The other guy I dated was great but he was planning weekend getaways before we even had a passionate kiss. Both of these guys thought we were in relationships after 2-3 dates. Too much too soon = Turn off.
So to all the nice guys and needy girls…make the other person work for it! Dating isn’t a game, but it’s certainly a race. You want to work for that 1st place trophy, not settle for the participation medal.
Xoxo
Allison