You know the 2am text on Friday night..."heyyy, come see me." We've all been there, unfortunately. It’s the worst. I think most people under the age of 40 know what a fuckboy is, but if not…it’s basically a man (or can be a woman) who only texts you to get laid. It could be at 9pm, 2am, or 10am. Their sole desire is sex. No foreplay, no sandwich after (unless you make it for them in a to go bag.) Just wham, bam, thank you ma’am.
I had someone for the better part of 3 years. When we first met I thought he wanted a relationship. He was in his very late 30's, you'd think that's what he wanted too! But I was VERY mistaken. We would hook up when it was convenient for him, although I thought he was just a busy guy. I never knew how much of an asshole he was. I needed his attention in any way, shape and form. After Josh and I broke up he texted me relentlessly to "hang out." He would like my IG pics, comment heart eyes on my selfies, and even *gasp* text me during the day. I finally broke down after 2 months and went to his place early December. 45 minutes later I was sitting in his driveway sobbing. I was so mad at myself for seeing him. Because seeing him didn't make me feel any better about my breakup, it didn't make me feel wanted, sexy or desired. And he didn't text me one time from early December until end of February, in which he was called my blog post stupid, and totally belittled me. The epitome of a fuckboy.
It’s become quite the phenomenon, though. When I was 21-25 these people were called friends with benefits, or even fuck buddies. But recently, the mindset has changed. Now I think sex is amazing. You should do it as much as you can, and as often as possible. But what happens when you’re sleeping with fuckboy, as opposed to a friends with benefits?
Fuckboy: is basically the worst type of guy. He leads you on to think that he is interested in some sort of a relationship with you. He texts you fairly regularly, however it’s only when convenient for him. He constantly asks to hang out, but never makes plans. He compliments your physical features, but never personality. And then he starts making sexual innuendos. He keeps this going until you sleep with him. Then you don’t hear from him for months….that is until he wants to sleep with you again. Now mind you, he’s doing this with multiple women. He probably has 3-5 women in his rotation at all times. The thing about a fuckboy is although he compliments you, he’s not a nice person. He will constantly put your ideas, opinions, values down. He will make fun or tease you to make you feel less. He lowers your self-esteem so when he finally does compliment you, you cling to those words. And then you finally feel like maybe he likes you.
FWB: This is a friend you sleep with. You probably see each other fairly regularly. You guys hangout at bars, he probably text you funny memes. He knows what you like in bed, and he stays for a sandwich after. He’s your drunk text that says “heyyyy, whatchu doin” You enjoy each other’s company (to an extent.) If he died, you would probably go to his funeral.
Fuckbuddy – Someone who you just have sex with. You like them as a person, the sex is good, but you aren’t friends.
So how did the fuckboy phenomenon start? I think we, as women, let it happen. Men started realizing they could get away with more. And we didn’t say "fuck you, get out." I was that girl! I brought the fuckboy upon myself. I had a friends with benefits off and on for years when I lived in Atlanta. He was a great guy, but we both were young and didn’t want to do the relationship thing. And I had a fuckboy in LA for the past 3 years. This year I finally stood up for myself, and told him to go fuck himself…and man did it feel good.
Now of course, it’s not all the woman’s fault. In most cases the man is just a grade A douche bag. So why are we talking to those guys? Why are we letting them into our va jay jay?! Think about it…if you wouldn’t be in a relationship with these people, why do we let them sex us up. It’s the most intimate and personal physical act.
Sex is amazing, everyone can agree on that. But maybe we should hold ourselves to higher standards for people we let in our bed. Just like we hold a higher standard of people we let in our hearts. Would you rather marry the guy who sends flowers just because? Or the one who won’t even take out the trash. Now not saying that each guy you sleep with is going to be your future husband. But the people we meet and the lessons we learn now shape our future selves.
And NO, this is not just about fuck boys. There are plenty of fuck girls out in the world. Avoid them!
Xoxo
Allison