Why is it that when someone finally does something nice for us, it negates all the shit they did previously?
A friend of mine was telling about her latest man friend. He was very attractive, nice and polite. However, he was a horrible texter and never spent any weekends with her. She still hasn’t met his friends and he rarely plans things in advance. But at their last date, he remembered her favorite drink. And that obviously meant they were destined to live happily ever after.
Now, I hear things like this a lot. “He’s so great, but he doesn’t text me for a couple days after sex”. Or “he wants to go away this weekend, but I saw him flirting with some girl over Instagram message.”
And it got me thinking…why do we let this happen? Why does one nice gesture equal a nice guy?
I started thinking back to guys I had dated. I was so excited to have someone, that I never thought their actions were less than admirable.
Like the guy who kissed another girl on my birthday. After the “incident” he met a couple of my friends and offered to call AAA for my busted tire a few weeks later. I thought he was the best thing in the world. I just couldn’t help but think he was a prince. Even when I saw him dancing with other girls at a club…because he offered to fix my tire, I let it go.
The guy who would consistently cancel plans at the last minute. But he picked me a flower once so I forgot about the 9 cancelled dates in 2 weeks.
How about the guy that accidentally text me to confirm a date, that was meant for another girl for the next night? The same guy who asked me to move in, and then ghosted me a week later. Maybe if I didn’t put his one kind gesture on a pedestal, I would have realized he wasn’t the right guy for me. Not only was he not the right guy, but he wasn’t a good person.
Are we scared that the one kind gesture is all we’re worth?
Are we afraid that we won’t find “the one” so we settle?
Or are we just so accustomed to being treated less than we deserve.
And then we meet a guy who is actually a good guy. He texts us regularly, asks us on dates well in advance and even introduces us to their friends. But as women, we think that guy is too available or *gasp* too nice.
We get so excited when a sub-par guy does something nice for us, that we completely forget about the great guys who constantly treat us like queens.
So we treat the good guys terribly and they get fed up. And they turn into fuckbois. And then the fuckboi hurts a nice girl. And then the nice girl thinks all men are fuckbois. It’ a never-ending cycle because we got too excited over one nice gesture from a shit guy.
We don’t recognize the nice guys as the one we are meant to be with.
One nice gesture will never equal a good guy. One nice gesture is simply that, nice.
If a guy doesn’t call after sex, drop him like a bad habit. If you’ve been seeing a guy for months and his friends don’t know about you, move on.
I have yet to see a shit guy in a great, loving relationship. Nice guys may finish last, but at least they get the girl.
Xoxo
Allison