I'm Not Desperate, and You're Not That Lucky


I have received a lot of sympathy messages the past month or so….because I’m single hahahahahahaha. I’ve gotten a ton of messages worrying about my current relationship status, the fact that I’m almost 30 and still “alone,” and that I may never find a man.

First off, how does anyone know I’m actually single? Just because I don’t post pictures with a guy or make out with him on Snapchat…come on people. A social media relationship is the fakest relationship there is! Actually I think I’ve only taken one picture with a guy I was dating in 7ish years.

Now this may shock you….but it’s not hard to find a significant other in LA. I know most of you are rolling your eyes, but stay with me. It’s not hard to get a date. It’s not difficult to get laid. And it’s even easier to find those things as a straight woman. It’s soooo freakin easy.

I could reply to any of the vulgar DM’s I’ve gotten and I would have an instant relationship. I could accept the 124 friend requests on Facebook. Or even go out with the 5’7 guy from Tinder who has 5 selfies in his car, wearing sunglasses. Any woman can do this…but do we want to? Absolutely not!

BUT I don’t want to date just anyone. Here’s the thing about dating someone…who you’re with shows the standard you have for your life. Whether it be romantic or platonic. What’s the old saying? Birds of a feather flock together? The standard you set becomes instilled in you. And once something is set, it’s really hard to get out of it.

When you set a standard with a guy or girl, because of infatuation or “love,” that becomes your story. Guy/Girl cheats on you and you’re devastated. Then you start assuming everyone is going to cheat on you.

Or you story goes something like mine…you meet guy, says all the right stuff but ends up leaving after a month or so. You then expect every man to leave.

If I’m dating a raging alcoholic, then people probably won’t look too kindly on me. I’ve set a standard that I allow that type of person to be in my life.

If I was hanging out with girls who were constantly sleeping around, people might think I’m that way as well (but if that is you, you do you girl.) I have a fantastic group of friends. I’ve set a standard to only allow people in my life with the same values.

So why so much pressure to be in a relationship? There’s such a negative connotation with being single, so we get in relationships with shitty people just to avoid being part of that narrative. What if we all waited...instead of settling for someone who we tolerate, we waited for someone extraordinary?

I was talking/coaching a guy recently who wanted to get back with his ex-girlfriend. When I asked him why he told me he couldn't stop thinking about her, she "consumed his every thought." So obviously my next question was why? What made this woman so special. And let me tell you, it was nothing. She treated him horribly. He let that woman be the standard in his life.

When we’re setting standards for the type of people we want to be in our life, this should absolutely 100% include relationships. You don’t pick shitty friends, so why settle for a shitty boyfriend/girlfriend?

I’m not a private person, by any means. My life is written in this blog for everyone to see. I post on Instagram/Facebook/twitter fairly regularly. I’m 99% an open book. Which is why I keep my relationships to myself. It’s something personal between him and me. I rarely write about my dates or guys that I like for that very reason.

When I am in a long term relationship, you’ll know. But for now, my relationship status stays under wraps. Ya'll don't need to worry about me ;)

Xoxo

Allison


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