The Penis Chronicles


Last week I asked Instagram what they wanted to discuss. Now I’m never surprised by what girls want to talk about…”why hasn’t he called?” or “is he seeing someone else?” The guys’ topics, however, crack me up.

So today we are going to discuss PENIS SIZE! Mom, please stop reading now :)

This is actually a really interesting topic to me. Both men and women have grown up hearing the bigger, the better. I know as a woman I’ve always been told that size does in fact matter. And because of that men who are of less than average size have been penis shamed! The average American penis is 5.2 inches!!!

I was talking to a guy a couple weeks ago and he told me that he tells women he’s average(ish) so that women will be pleasantly surprised when they get nekkid. So I’m going to come out and say it… SIZE DOES NOT MATTER.

Granted, if you have a micro penis then maybe it matters a little bit (a lot.) But it really does come down to the motion of the ocean. A man who is confident in bed is way hotter than someone with a big dick that just lays there.

I know a guy with a micro penis. No, I didn’t sleep with him. But I did see it during drunken truth or dare. And now this guy is married! And I knew a guy, who was 6’11, who was hung like a horse but his sex life was awful. If a woman is scared of your penis, it is not a good sign!

Dicks are like boobs. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. It doesn’t really matter what it looks like or size, as long as it works!

I asked a few of my friends what they preferred. EVERY SINGLE ONE would rather an average sized guy who blew their mind.

Just think…if a woman likes a guy with a big penis, maybe it’s because she has a loose vagina? Gross, I know. We’re not supposed to talk about it, but here we are.

Putting a marshmallow in a key hole isn’t easy, and it’s not fun. If a girl is with a guy whose penis is too big it hurts like a bitch. You can barely sit down after, and you definitely can’t have multiple rounds of sex.

Girth is always better than length. I know you guys may not know it, but being punched in the cervix really fucking sucks. And guys with big dicks get less blow jobs! I know I don’t want to suffocate and die from trying to please a man! The jaw pain and gagging is just not worth it! And forget about anal.

Here’s my suggestion…if you are average or below learn about a woman’s body! Read some karma sutra books! Watch some videos about how to please her in other ways! Learn where the pleasure spots are! Let me tell you, intercourse is just the tip of the iceberg (no pun intended.)

Vaginas and penis’ are not one size fits all. And bigger is not always better.

Xoxo

Allison


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