To Ghost, Or Not To Ghost


So I get a lot of questions on my site, Facebook and Instagram about dating. I decided it might be fun to start a Q & A every few weeks. I put on Instagram today “What are you guys interested in” and to DM me with questions. So here was the first question:

“What to say to women you match with but then change your mind on meeting them, ie you don’t want to. To ghost or what to say?”

To ghost or not the ghost, right? I actually love this question for a couple reasons. The first reason is because this person actually cares about ghosting. Shocking, right? And the second reason is because he’s strictly talking about online dating…he hasn’t even met the girl yet.

So I’m going to answer the ghosting question a couple different ways. The first with being this specific question. You have matched with someone and now you’re just not interested. If you haven’t exchanged phone numbers then you owe the other person nothing. You don’t need to break up with them or give them any reason why you don’t want to meet. In all honesty will they really care that you didn’t like them enough to meet? Probably not. When it comes to online dating people have multiple conversations going on at once. We are all just blips on the online dating radar.

The next way I’m going to answer is if you’ve exchanged numbers. This one can be a bit tough because no one wants to say you just didn’t like the person enough. I would say the other person needs an explanation ONLY if they keep asking you out. If you constantly cancel on them and they continue to ask you to drinks or dinner then you should say you’re not interested. Because otherwise you’re going to continue getting annoying messages.

Now for a harder situation….if you have gone out with the person. If you guys went out, had a sub-par time and neither reaches out the next day then I’d say you both effectively ghosted each other (if that’s possible.) I’d say 9/10 someone will reach out either after the date or the next day (hopefully the guy, but that’s for another blog.) If neither parties are interested then you’d just saved yourself the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech.

If you have gone on 2 – 5 dates then I’d say the other person deserves a text. I don’t think you really need to give a reason, either. Maybe it’s me being an asshole, but will the other person care that you didn’t have “chemistry” when in fact they had really bad breath all the time? If you’re casually dating someone, the reason doesn’t matter.

If you have gone on more than 5 dates and/or touched anywhere covered by a bathing suit then you should call the person. Girls take foreplay and sex very seriously…and in most cases they will assume that you are now in a relationship. You can give them a reason if you need feel inclined to.

And lastly….if you have called this person your boyfriend or girlfriend, gone on vacation together or ad the exclusive talk you better take this person for coffee and break it off in person. And you best give them a reason. Because otherwise, they might start a blog and roast you for the next 10 years ;)

I love questions, comments and concerns…so send me what you got.

Xoxo

Allison


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