Big Girls Don't Cry


Why do men laugh when we cry? When you finally feel comfortable enough to open up, to say what’s wrong, express your emotions….they laugh. Man, it freakin sucks. I actually didn’t realize how bad it hurt but ugh…feelings. Maybe men feel uncomfortable. Maybe they don’t know how to react. Or maybe they just think we’re ridiculous.

It really doesn’t matter why they laugh. It’s the simple fact that those particular guys don’t take our feelings seriously. They really do think we’re being silly or immature. And men wonder why women are so emotionally unavailable. Or they blame our lack of sensitivity on our daddy issues. SMDH.

There’s a movie with Mandy Moore and she says to her boyfriend “And sometimes you laugh when I cry, and you say "huh" when I make perfect sense.” It never really resonated with me, because I’m not a crier and I don’t get upset easily. But last night I was upset and someone I cared about laughed at me. And that scene in the movie popped into my head. She wasn’t over reacting, or being immature. She was trying to tell her boyfriend how she felt, and he dismissed her feelings.

Maybe this is a really common occurrence? I don’t talk about my feelings often (or at all) so I’ve never been privy to the laughing. But half of me wanted to junk punch him as hard as I could, and the other half wanted to sit in the corner and cry. The more he laughed it actually made me start laughing…not because anything was funny but because I was trying to hide the fact I was as mad as a hornet.

I’ve never been a vulnerable person, because of what could happen. Heartbreak, judgement, fear of rejection, these are the reasons we choose to build a wall. Hell, I even wrote a blog about being “emotionally constipated.” I’d rather be naked in front of a group of people, then to talk about my feelings. And being laughed at absolutely makes me want to bottle my feelings up and throw them in the deep dark ocean that is my soul. I felt as if my feelings had been devalued, and that has no place in any type of relationship. If I can’t tell my boyfriend how I feel, then is it actually an adult relationship?

We, as women, can’t fucking win. We don’t show emotion and men don’t want to be with us because we can’t emotionally connect. If we’re upset, or *gasp* even possibly cry…then they laugh. So what do we do? We pick better men, we walk away, we decide we deserve better. I want to be with someone who hugs me when I’m upset, regardless of how small.

For the first time, in a long time, I was able to walk away from the situation with my head held high. It may have been for the night or it could have been forever…I have no clue. But man it felt so fucking good. When I was younger I would be so concerned why my “boyfriend” was mad at me. I would apologize profusely just so he would stick around. When I caught my ex-husband cheating (the first time), and confronted him, he laughed at me and told me I’m crazy. But he really was cheating.

I deserve better than to be laughed at, we all do. Regardless of why you’re arguing or why she’s upset…never laugh. In that moment, the other person’s feelings are valid. Feelings are important in a relationship, that’s what keeps people together. How the other person makes you feel is what determines your relationship. Are you going to be with someone who makes you feel like shit? I sure hope not! No more tip toeing around issues. I’m done holding in how I feel. If the guys laughs at me, then fuck him. I can’t be bothered.

Xoxo

Allison


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